Blink-inspires!-281

28 July 2009 at 951pm · Filed under Original Poetry.

I hate to watch, the shit I say and do

Grow and explode on: this Jackson Pollock truth

You’re moving on, with someone two-years-more new

The job’s done, it’s been overdue: we’re finally through

And I miss you, but I don’t

 

All for the charades, your every movement’s faked

While you stay mute

To counteract my overactive mouth

Degrading, negating, debating you

But for no use

‘Cause you’re deaf as dumb now

That I left, but you turned that around

Calling me out like I’m the traitor

Though I doubt I’ve any better behavior

But I jumped ship, against my own wishes

Any other year or month, I’d already be drying off

Or wouldn’t have dove at all

But I’m still drowning

Captain shouting, “Aren’t you gonna save her?”

So business-geared, you’re nonchalant

As you say, “Yeah, okay, I’ll do it later”

 

I hate this town, the same people who

Want to go down, while I’m hung up on you

So I sleep alone now, but that might not be true

Ignore and avoid and accuse and doubt

We’ve made it so obvious we’re through

And I miss you, but I don’t

 

Once got lost inside your house, for only knowing it by dark

I was stitching closed mouths; you, throwing away whole hearts 

Followed you to the ocean, to the forest, to the stars

You were hollow, too, and you noticed

But refuse to accept the moments that’re ours

 

So did you decide that you’d never again find

After scotching, watching die

All love between me and you

Before or after we made love yet another time

Violent vice in your eyes

One lazy summer afternoon?

We’d even broken up, months before this

Speaking of: I was first to change direction

Quit and run, to just sleep off our endless shit

A first for you, wasn’t it?

 

What is it with us, and sex on Sundays?

You’re mumbling more excuses

‘Cause I’ve yet to see things your way

 

I hate living next door, the unavoidable running-in-tos 

Shifting weight, looking sicker, in ever-running shoes 

‘Til earthquakes rip the floor, from how uneasily you move

Our past is impure, our future assumed

Presently, you want nothing more

To do with me, to do with you

And you were the cure, but I infected you

We are just a blur, crashing head-on in to

Success and moments happier

Lest should I reintroduce:

 

Kisses everywhere, mixed by emotions unclear

Showing no signs of fear

Cheating with— never on— each other

Dropping names and hints and jeans and dollars

Pissing off adults, our school, the world

Keeping on, staying low, getting down, and moving forward

Bad jokes and worse intentions

Nonsense, punk-rock, arguments, and adolescence

 

They weren’t wrong to warn, against letting me assume

That heart and head and those hands of yours

‘Cause when I go out, I’ll take you down, too

But backing off, after having been burned

Was such a stupid thing to do

 

Speak through your teeth, looking stern

Lie, sigh, hang up, put a foot down

Build a wall between us, break every promise sworn

Then tell me in furious sounds

That we’re through

Because I miss you, but I don’t

Won’t admit to—

 

Well, I hate sounding desperate

Like you hate seeming vulnerable

But we’re just too damn honest

So here’s to us both being uncomfortable

As I’m on my knees, you can’t look at me

I still make your heart lose control

Just not for good reason, anymore

I’m the last best you’ll ever see

A first for you, I know

 

And you hate that I miss you

‘Cause you don’t, won’t admit

I know— everyone knows— how you hate it

Try to hide it with a nervous laugh

Which shows you know, too:

You miss me back

 

But you won’t let that be, enough to see us through

Because we’re done—but no, I’m not through with you

You’re over me, I just miss you—

 

But you’re not, and I don’t

Or I am and you do

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